How to be and stay HAPPY (Shortest post ever)

Choose to be happy. Everyday. 

Well.......then do it.

I have voices in my head.  Yeah.  I know.  I think everyone does or maybe i just tell myself that.  I don't know. Either way, I have a new voice.  It's pretty good.  It's not annoying like that, "You're not that good" voice.  And it's not overbearing like that "You should just pull a Hunter Thompson and go nuts" voice.  It's a calm, confident voice that only responds to my ideas.  It's the one that says "Well.......then do it"

I have tons of ideas going on all the time.  Business ideas, book ideas, story lines for movies, crazy generosity moves.  They never amount to anything because the other voices tell me what to do.  "You can't do that. You're only a barber,  No one will ever get behind that.  You're family doesn't do stuff like that."  Now there's a new noise in my head....."Do it.  What would it take to get this idea done? And if you can't do it now, write it down for later.  Don't talk about it until it's done" 

How did that voice appear?  Friends.  Good friends, good books and podcasts.  Fill your mind with great insight and you will leave very little room for nonsense.  I always try to learn from the experts, not my neighbor who hates his job.  Just like you don't take money advice from broke folks, don't take life advice from stagnant wannabes. You have to find the greatness.  I can get you started with these links:

Subscribe, follow , read or download anything these guys offer.

Dave Ramsey

Seth Godin

Jon Acuff

Andy Stanley

Greg Boyd

That covers the books and podcasts.  Now you need good friends. I'm lucky to have 2 close, close friends.  One of them is a firefighter who owns 5 multifamily homes.  This guy has looked out for me and taught me about money since 2003.  He really inspired me to be better with my decisions in life.  We were making roughly the same amount of money in 07.  He had 2 houses.  I had 63 pairs of Jordans.  C'mon. I told him i was getting out of debt in 09.  He said, "just do it, stop talking about it." I did it!  He kept me honest because I respected his opinion.  When we talk about ideas, we build instead of deconstruct.  He pushes me to do more and be a better me.  I'd like to think I do the same for him.

My wife has been my single biggest influence in the last 3 years.  She has a great way of looking at things:  If it's been done, then she can do it.  No one is better than anyone so we're all capable of doing anything we want.  It comes down to tenacity and mental toughness.  She has a Phd in both. She doesn't really encourage or shoot me down.  She has a signature, hybrid sort of threat/manifesto that makes me see what the path is and how to rock it.  Priceless.  

The last thing you should do, and I got this from Dave, is ask the people you respect how they do it. There are people doing what you want to do. Buy them lunch or a coffee someday.  Pick their brains. You could get a lesson for $30 instead of a tuition payment.  If your dream is to play in the NBA, they may not be accessible like that, but most successful people are great teachers and passionate mentors.  You'd be surprised how accommodating they'll be.  I do it all the time.

We all have a big idea or dream, well..........then do it!

When you're married to your roommate

I've had it out with every single one of my roommates.  No fist fights, but a lot of arguments and a lot of moving out because “this doesn't work anymore”.  I remember this woman Lynne I worked with at my high school job. She told me not to move in with my best friends because we would not be friends after.  How could that happen? Well, when you've done things a certain way your whole life and then someone challenges that, the world stops moving a little bit.

 

My 3rd wedding anniversary is tomorrow!  I have a life-long roommate. It's funny because I had lived on my own for a while; probably about 12 years.  She is smart and lived with her folks until she had enough money to buy a place.  So she's coming from mom and dad's.  I'm coming from 2 years with no roommate at all.  Let's get hitched and live together.......go!  I didn't even know I had strong opinions on where a toaster should go. (Which is near the stove, next to the butter, by the way.)  We battled over that for about 2 years.  And there were at least a dozen other things just like the toaster.  Pretty soon, everyday can be an argument, debate or just giving up ground on something. Your marriage can feel small, tight and trivial.  It feels like you can't win.  It feels like you wanna leave.

 

What we need to ask ourselves is this: Are my problems marriage issues or roommate issues?  

She doesn't trust your word when you're out late......marriage issue.  

He hates the way you file mail.........roommate issue.  

You can't agree on how laundry should be folded.........roommate issue.  

You feel belittled in a lot of situations.........marriage issue.

 

Do you see where I’m going with this?  Pretty crazy what can happen when your ways of doing life collide with each other.  How many breakups and divorces were over roommate issues and general way-of-life challenges?  

 

Whether you're married or just living together, please go through your relationship and write down all your problems.  Sort them into the roommate or marriage issues and remember why you love the other person. It has really helped me. 

There Will Be Another Boat

In Italy, only mongrels eat in public. Well, mongrels and also my wife and I. We did our honeymoon in Amalfi, which is on the southern coast. It's where the laces would be on “the boot”. Beautiful place. My wife's description: “This is how I pictured heaven.” I highly recommend it makes your bucket list.

We planned a day trip to Capri, a small island off the coast. We bought tickets the day before. We looked online at the tourist attractions. We bought a map of the island and sort of set up the day. The only thing we didn't do is set an alarm. Yeah.

The boat leaves at 9, we woke up at 8:30 and it's a 20 minute ride to the dock. Before this starts sounding like a word problem, I’ll just cut to it and say: “No time for breakfast”. So we speed through town on our rented moped, with no showers and no idea if we'll make it. We got to the dock, parked “al italiano”(wherever I want) and ran to the boat. The boat that we saw wasn't even our boat. Our boat hadn’t docked yet. When it did, it was going to unload first so we had 10 minutes at least to grab breakfast.

We walked across the street to a little cafe and ordered 2 cappuccinos and 2 croissants. As the guy is making the coffees, I ask him if we can take it to-go. He looks befuddled, so I point to Styrofoam cups and say “take away”. I wasn't sure if he spoke English. I spoke zero Italian. He figures out what I’m saying and replies with a laugh, “Oh no my friend. You can sit at any of these tables outside. They are all my tables. Please, sit.”

I responded, “I understand, but we have a boat to catch and we are already late. I don't wanna miss that boat.”

He put his hand on my shoulder, smiled as big as I'd ever seen a guy smile and said, “There will be another boat my friend. Sit down and eat”

Great advice from an Italian cafe owner: “There will be another boat.” Enjoy your food. Enjoy your time awake with your spouse. There will be another boat. Don't rush. This food, right here, this is the main thing right now. Sit down, slow down, eat the food and enjoy it.

What else do I rush through? What other joys do I sacrifice or skip for the sake of my precious schedule? What would life be like if I sat and ate all my food instead of cramming bites into my trap while on hold or between clients? Just sitting and enjoying.....Hmmm.......this could alleviate a lot of problems.

By the way, we did not listen to him. We took our cappuccino’s across the street, burnt the crap out of my tongue and ate the croissants to the jeers of the general public.   

Assessors suck! (define your own worth)

They are on the verge of divorce...... again.  This is literally the tenth time this "news" emerged. The man in the relationship asked me to hang out with the woman a couple times, to try to talk to her and make sure she is in her right mind. She is, according to him, probably going to leave him. That's scary, daunting and hurtful. I get it. I told this man I'm no longer for hire in these situations because it never changes and I end up losing sleep over it. I put up those boundaries a couple years back and I intend on keeping them. After we talked a little more, he tells me that according to her, “I'm a piece-of-shit, alcoholic”. I told him he's not a piece-of....... and he should know that by now. He should know who he is and what he's worth. Right then, it hit me hard: he has no idea who he is. All the great things in his life and he still answers to that? He still needs to be persuaded other wise?

Why do we let others define our worth? This question is deeper than a few paragraphs on a blog, but I want you to start asking yourself this question. I want you to describe who you are using a few words on paper. Then pray, meditate, be still, whatever calms your inner-voice down and ask “Are these words true?” There are many people who have it right and who live from the correct context. A lot of us have it all wrong. If I were to describe this man from earlier, I'd use the words strength, dedication, integrity, loyal. I wonder what he would say.

We all get our confidence from something. We get our picture of who we are from past experiences and people's opinions. We screw up all the time and the people we love the most let us know how we're doing. People around us keep score, but what if they didn't? What if we solely took our worth from who God says we are? We are his children, his creation, his delight. We are made for a reason. We are. Get with your God on this one and help define yourself with no influence from your past; no voices telling you who you are.

My Family Doesn't Do That

My family is awesome.  Yeah we have some dysfunction.  Any human fam does.  But at the end of the day, we all love each other and will hold each other down when trouble comes.  My wife's family is like my family on turbo.  They help each other so much and so quickly that I can't even get my Pops on the phone before her dad or brothers are there with the right tool for the job.  They live for each other and it's a beautiful thing.

We are about to celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary.  As we've been learning to be roommates as well as husband and wife, I notice we say this a lot: "Well my family doesn't do that".  My family is different from yours and we don't do that.  We come from separate backgrounds and we react to situations differently.  Usually the way our family handles stuff is how we will.  My family doesn't do that so I don't do that.

When I got a real relationship with God, the closest I'd felt to him was like a son.  We have a father-son thing going on. When I learn about my Father and the way his family does things, that's my fam too.  So when I'm just about to have at it with a bottle of Jack, or talk poorly about my wife in front of a crowd, or keep that $50 bill one of my clients mistook for a $20, He reminds me:  My family doesn't do that.

Know God, No Religion

I think we messed up.  Really, I'm thinking that this whole religion thing is a step in the wrong direction. (And now a collective gasp from my family and church circle.) I believe that Jesus came to end religion and then we made a religion around him. Oops. In the gospels, there are a bunch of instances where Jesus corrects the pharisees for getting on him about “proper procedure”. There is a whole bunch of stuff in the new testament that leads me to think that Jesus was anti-religion.

I love my wife. We are married. I don't love her because of the ceremony. Do you see what I’m getting at? I choose to love her everyday regardless of how she acts or what I get in return. And she chooses to love me through all of my hang-ups and low points. The wedding was a symbol and public declaration of our love and commitment, but it is not the glue that binds us. So on the same note, God loves us and we accept the love and the grace. We publicly declare it and profess our love for Him but that declaration is not the reason we love him. There is a relationship going on.

God wants a relationship with you. He does not want your steps to be perfect. In the book, “End of Religion”, Bruxy Cavey illustrates this point a few different ways. My favorite was this: A husband decides to take his marriage to a new level and sets up a date with his wife on a Tuesday night. He calls the babysitter, makes a reservation at her favorite restaurant and comes home early. He surprises her by saying, “Baby, put on your best dress. I have the sitter coming over and we are going out.” She is elated. They get to the restaurant and sit at their favorite table. The husband pulls out a flower and a card saying all the sweet things a card like that should. The wife is just swept off of her feet and they have a great night. The husband feels good knowing he has pleased his partner. The next Tuesday he does the same thing. She puts on her dress, they sit at the same table at the same restaurant. He gives her the same flower and the same card. They go home and she is happy but a little weirded out. The following Tuesday, she's wondering if he is going to do the same thing.....and he does. Same time, same restaurant, etc. Now the incredible thought and sentiment are lost. The machine-like, repetitive steps have now taken a beautiful act of love and sort of flipped it to mindless busy work. The meaning is lost. The love is lost.

We do this with Jesus all day long. I can get up early and read scripture and pray everyday. And for the most part, that's a great habit to get into. However, my relationship with Christ is what makes my heart change. My relationship with Him is what counts. Those steps can lead me there, but they are not the reason I love Him nor are they the reason He loves me.