Assessors suck! (define your own worth)

They are on the verge of divorce...... again.  This is literally the tenth time this "news" emerged. The man in the relationship asked me to hang out with the woman a couple times, to try to talk to her and make sure she is in her right mind. She is, according to him, probably going to leave him. That's scary, daunting and hurtful. I get it. I told this man I'm no longer for hire in these situations because it never changes and I end up losing sleep over it. I put up those boundaries a couple years back and I intend on keeping them. After we talked a little more, he tells me that according to her, “I'm a piece-of-shit, alcoholic”. I told him he's not a piece-of....... and he should know that by now. He should know who he is and what he's worth. Right then, it hit me hard: he has no idea who he is. All the great things in his life and he still answers to that? He still needs to be persuaded other wise?

Why do we let others define our worth? This question is deeper than a few paragraphs on a blog, but I want you to start asking yourself this question. I want you to describe who you are using a few words on paper. Then pray, meditate, be still, whatever calms your inner-voice down and ask “Are these words true?” There are many people who have it right and who live from the correct context. A lot of us have it all wrong. If I were to describe this man from earlier, I'd use the words strength, dedication, integrity, loyal. I wonder what he would say.

We all get our confidence from something. We get our picture of who we are from past experiences and people's opinions. We screw up all the time and the people we love the most let us know how we're doing. People around us keep score, but what if they didn't? What if we solely took our worth from who God says we are? We are his children, his creation, his delight. We are made for a reason. We are. Get with your God on this one and help define yourself with no influence from your past; no voices telling you who you are.

My Family Doesn't Do That

My family is awesome.  Yeah we have some dysfunction.  Any human fam does.  But at the end of the day, we all love each other and will hold each other down when trouble comes.  My wife's family is like my family on turbo.  They help each other so much and so quickly that I can't even get my Pops on the phone before her dad or brothers are there with the right tool for the job.  They live for each other and it's a beautiful thing.

We are about to celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary.  As we've been learning to be roommates as well as husband and wife, I notice we say this a lot: "Well my family doesn't do that".  My family is different from yours and we don't do that.  We come from separate backgrounds and we react to situations differently.  Usually the way our family handles stuff is how we will.  My family doesn't do that so I don't do that.

When I got a real relationship with God, the closest I'd felt to him was like a son.  We have a father-son thing going on. When I learn about my Father and the way his family does things, that's my fam too.  So when I'm just about to have at it with a bottle of Jack, or talk poorly about my wife in front of a crowd, or keep that $50 bill one of my clients mistook for a $20, He reminds me:  My family doesn't do that.

Know God, No Religion

I think we messed up.  Really, I'm thinking that this whole religion thing is a step in the wrong direction. (And now a collective gasp from my family and church circle.) I believe that Jesus came to end religion and then we made a religion around him. Oops. In the gospels, there are a bunch of instances where Jesus corrects the pharisees for getting on him about “proper procedure”. There is a whole bunch of stuff in the new testament that leads me to think that Jesus was anti-religion.

I love my wife. We are married. I don't love her because of the ceremony. Do you see what I’m getting at? I choose to love her everyday regardless of how she acts or what I get in return. And she chooses to love me through all of my hang-ups and low points. The wedding was a symbol and public declaration of our love and commitment, but it is not the glue that binds us. So on the same note, God loves us and we accept the love and the grace. We publicly declare it and profess our love for Him but that declaration is not the reason we love him. There is a relationship going on.

God wants a relationship with you. He does not want your steps to be perfect. In the book, “End of Religion”, Bruxy Cavey illustrates this point a few different ways. My favorite was this: A husband decides to take his marriage to a new level and sets up a date with his wife on a Tuesday night. He calls the babysitter, makes a reservation at her favorite restaurant and comes home early. He surprises her by saying, “Baby, put on your best dress. I have the sitter coming over and we are going out.” She is elated. They get to the restaurant and sit at their favorite table. The husband pulls out a flower and a card saying all the sweet things a card like that should. The wife is just swept off of her feet and they have a great night. The husband feels good knowing he has pleased his partner. The next Tuesday he does the same thing. She puts on her dress, they sit at the same table at the same restaurant. He gives her the same flower and the same card. They go home and she is happy but a little weirded out. The following Tuesday, she's wondering if he is going to do the same thing.....and he does. Same time, same restaurant, etc. Now the incredible thought and sentiment are lost. The machine-like, repetitive steps have now taken a beautiful act of love and sort of flipped it to mindless busy work. The meaning is lost. The love is lost.

We do this with Jesus all day long. I can get up early and read scripture and pray everyday. And for the most part, that's a great habit to get into. However, my relationship with Christ is what makes my heart change. My relationship with Him is what counts. Those steps can lead me there, but they are not the reason I love Him nor are they the reason He loves me.